Footloose Helps Everything!

So had a really bad day.  To start the day off I had a dream that my sister was going into labor and called me out of school to "tap" in for Matt because he was in Colorado. In my dream I freaked and ran out of my class without getting anyone to watch them and just told them to "read till I get back." As I ran to the car some how I got those big yellow rubber gloves you use when washing dishes and put them on and drove to pick up my sister. I don't know what I was planning to use the gloves for, but I really hope that is not what delivering a baby really involves. Then I woke up and got ready for school hoping my dream would not become a reality. Matt I know you can't hear me right now, but please don't make me tap in for the delivery of MP2. You know I will if needed, however I would greatly prefer not to.

The rest of the day was filled with boring, slightly sexist training, where I learned all the things that would have helped me at the beginning of the year. Thanks MKU, for making me feel like I have not properly taught my students anything and now they are going to forget everything I bestowed on them. I feel awesome today.

On the way home I stopped at AMC to pick up tickets for our field trip tomorrow to the Hunger Games for my 7th graders. When I got there and tried to buy my 91 child tickets and 8 adult tickets for a total of 99 tickets the usher said that the theater only held 87. sigh. After talking to a manager and having him call his supervisor, (who might I add I talked to earlier in the week warning them that I was coming), and me looking over my list of kids seeing if there are any that I could get suspended before tomorrows field trip to bring down the number, the manager came and told me they could switch the theater to accommodate me. Breathe. I got all the tickets and drove home, which took an hour due to an accident.

Got informed the guy who was suppose to move in June 1st is bailing. Awesome. Then my friend who I was suppose to hang out with tonight totally bailed, for the third time. What is with that? Seriously I hate that! If you can't hang out when we have plans, I might be sad, but I will find something else to do. Don't have me wait 3 hours just to ditch me. Not cool Kool Aid.

However, my roommates and I all sad around my computer, because we don't have a TV, and watched Footloose. Nothing can make your bad day better then Kevin Bacon dancing around and doing gymnastics and having a bro-mance teaching his BFF how to dance so he can impress Rusty. There is honestly nothing better. Well "Let's hear it for the Boys"

Letting go of the Ohana, part 2-Oh the dreaded graduation goggles!

I am a true believer in the graduation goggles. A special thanks goes out to How I Met Your Mother for putting a name to feeling I have feeling my entire life.  For those of you who are not cool enough to know what I am talking about, graduation goggles is "the relief and nostalgic feeling one has about a time in their life when it is about to end, even if the time was completely miserable." This is the perfect thing to describe this weirdly intense feeling I am feeling at the moment. 


While my last year of teaching was at best helpful for future teaching endeavors, I would not call it fun... I learned a lot about what kind of teacher I don't want to be and even more about what kind of administration I don't want to work for, but there are not many moments I would want to repeat. I love my students and love their joy for writing, I know I am equally as shocked to be writing this, but most of the time I did not want to get out of bed to go to school. (I know I like my bed an awful lot, but most days I actually don't mind getting out of it.) I felt like a women in her ninth month of pregnancy, miserable. My racist, passive aggressive, sexist admin made my life a living hell at school most days, but now that it is almost to an end I don't want to let go. I don't want other people to be teaching my kids, they are mine god damn it, I am not possessive I promise. Being a lover of change is not a new concept for Allie Roush, however this recent change is slowly breaking my heart. While most teachers are counting down the days till the end of school and the start of summer, I am holding on to every last minute of the time I have left with my Ohana.

Honestly I think the majority of this painful countdown is the realization that I am going to have to spend the summer without my team. I work with 5 wonderful people who I have spent the whole years pain and suffering with, and our relationship has grown it to one of the most magnificent co worker friendship I have ever had. Now I usually get a long really great with co workers, but this is something special. I have never worked so well with a group of people. To my point our kids try to "play parents" on us, by asking one teacher something and then when they don't get the answer they want they go to another teacher to try again. We have gotten so good at catching them do this because we know each other so well that we know what the other person would say. God my team is fucking awesome.


Maybe I should look at this in a positive light... I get to keep my team next year. Yeah! and we are so strong that next year is going to be 5,000 time better!


Okay Graduation goggles off positive sun glasses looking forward to my summer va-ca on!  

Letting go of the Ohana... :( part 1

So if you have not talked to me lately I have joined Teach for America this last year and have been teaching 7th grade writing, in central Phoenix. As first years go, this one has been very good and a lot more manageable then what I had been prepared for. My kids are honestly great and really try to do the best they can. I really love them and here lies the problem...

This year I created the 7th Grade Ohana, which became out class motto. Ohana from Lilo and Stitch means "family and family means know one gets left behind or forgotten" We adopted this saying and turned it into our own 7th grade family. Ohana means everything to me and we really treated each other like a family. Sometimes we had our fights and our hard times, but our love and respect for each other made us survive the year together. We grew together. They became better students and they in turn made me a better teacher. I am so proud of them and of what they achieved over the year, but it all has to end in a few short days.

What do I do when the year ends? While don't get me wrong, some kids I will be happy to leave and move on to 8th grade, but some I am honestly going to miss having them in my class everyday. I know I am not very good with change, but this is my profession, I have to let them go on to bigger and better things. I need to let them grow up and trust that they will keep all that I have taught them. Am I really ready to let them move on? I trust the 8th grade teachers and know that they will get the education they need to do well in high school and in turn college, but I also feel that I have failed them a lot. I have more to teach them and I think it is unfair that I just have to stop being their teacher. We have shared so much this year and my student and I really know each other, but I have to pretend that did not happen and just adopt a whole new groups of kids...

Maybe I am thinking about this all the wrong way...

Not leading by example, the truth about this writing teacher.

I need to work on writing again. I am a writing teacher right I should be doing this daily, but the reality is that I have no time for my own thoughts and expressions. I love my students and love to read their writing, for the most part, but I miss being able to understand and work through things with words. Writing is the ultimate stress relief. Being able to just let things go and put them on paper makes the weight of them disappear off of your chest. Finding the correct words and even some incorrect ones to get the feelings out of hiding makes my brain feel free enough to work through the problems at hand one letter at a time. I really need to be teaching this to my students. Showing them that writing is more then just a was to go to high school and college, but a way to let go and express those things that are too hard to say out loud. Writing is like screaming the words you want to say, but don't have the guts to let the voice escape your lips. I require writing to function.

Note to self... writing helps you, you have too many things to think about and worry about to not use this space to break down the wall that your brain has put up.

WRITE GOD DAMN IT ALLIE!

<3

The Roush Family Christmas

As I sit here alone in the office on December 22 I am not really in the Christmas spirit. Maybe it is because I am at work, or maybe it is because I am not home yet, but either way this is my first attempt at getting on the holly jolly train. I am not going to all humbug on you because I am not a scrooge. Actually I love Christmas... no adore Christmas. It goes beyond my favorite time of the year. For me Christmas is a time for my family. It is literally the only time we see each other all year long, unless someone gets married or something, and we make the most of every min with each other. Roush Family Christmas or RFC for short is what I look forward to all year.... no literally all year. I love my family more than you can imagine. We are so close and have so many inside jokes it is hard to keep tract. Even though we barely see each other when we come home for Christmas it is like no time has pasted at all. We all sit around and talk and simply enjoy that we are finally together. This year for example, RFC will occur on Dec 26th to account for the fact that my brother needs to go see his father in law in Minnesota, yet the RF will continue to act like it is Christmas on the 26 because the day does not matter what is important is that we are all together.

Now the break down on why RFC is better than yours:

- The morning starts out with us all waking up and preparing to start the festivities with us all hanging around the family room aka my bedroom, watching TV or listening to music with the yule log on the TV. Once everyone has woken up or arrived we all go to our designated rooms to receive a stocking to stuff... After 19ish years of Santa coming to our house and filling our stockings with care we decided to start a new traditions by exchanging stockings in a secret Santa like manner. Each year after Christmas we pick names out of a hat and we have a whole year to buy gifts to fill the stocking of said person.  The first year it was my siblings stockings were mostly candy little toys and what not like what Santa use to bring until we got to my stocking... Again started out tame candy and what have you... then i got to then end of the stocking where there was a note giving me clues on where my "big" present was... horror... My brother was the one who filled this stocking this year and if you don't know my brother here is a quick run down: only boy in our family or 3 girls, an animator, likes to do all sorts of pranks including but not limiting to: flying a kite out of a moving mini van, fake kid napping me in Safeway, throwing me in a suitcase and leaving me outside, putting a carpet in the street and count how many cars drive over it or around it... so needless to say when i read the note I was mildly afraid. After searching the house for a bit I found the present... the present was in a clear plastic cage, it was definitely moving, definitely more than one... My brother had given me the gift of Christmas Crickets. 25 to be exact. He told me that for Christmas I have saved 25 lives since they were all feeder crickets I would not have to worry about them chirping or flying. I found this gross. I am not a very big girly girl, but the idea of having pet crickets was more then gross to me. He also gave me this gel like water so I could feed them with out killing them, which required me to stick my hand in a cage of crickets every morning. I was not pleased. Eventually we let the crickets go in the wild, and when I say crickets I really mean the 2 that ate all the other crickets and had also learned how to chirp, where they were promptly attacked and eaten by birds. Ah the Christmas spirit.

This was of course the start of one of my favorite family traditions, the tradition of giving random inside jokes and cruel gifts on Christmas morning. While most kids were getting candy, toys, and holiday cheer on Christmas at the Roush house we were opening alligator heads, Mexican wrestling masks, David Hasslehoff memorabilia, mugs suspended in Jell-o, giant stuffed catfish, and so much more. Every year is better then the next and every year the jokes run deeper and we laugh harder. This tradition is starting to even make the rounds with some of my friends for Santa is tired of going to there houses too. It might be a crazy tradition, but it is one the inspires the most memories.

- After the stockings have been opened we all retire to the kitchen were my mom has made homemade coffee cake and egg casserole. We all go and grab drinks, mostly soda or juice since no one in my family drinks coffee, and sit down for our breakfast. Of course we all fight over the middle and talk about the last couple days events. Becki, my sister, does not like coffee cake or casserole so she opts for a frosted doughnut or other food she can find around the house. This part of Christmas is tame and very wholesome.

-Next we all take showers and just hang around and talk as a family. Maybe watch Christmas movies: Charlie Brown's Christmas, Christmas Vacation.... the normal

-Lunch happens... sometimes

-Dinner is always in the dinning room, which we only use once a year, and it is always steak twice baked potatoes, green beans, and some sort of rolls... very yummy and we are all almost too full to talk.

-Next is our Christmas to each other. I love this part of Christmas. I have to buy gifts for so many people it is hard to find that perfect gift for everyone on your list, but my immediate family's gifts are always really special and take a lot of time and thinking. Right now I can't wait to get home and open the amazon boxes that are crowding my house so I can wrap there presents and put them under the tree. I do really like giving gifts way more than I like receiving them. Especially when it comes to my family. I completed all of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving because I love picking out things for them and don't want to have to wait till the Holiday season. For example my sister Becki's gift I have had since March... but it is soo perfect. We unwrap our presents one by one so we can see what everyone picked out for each other and just enjoy the Christmas tree and chatter.

-After presents we usually dive into the Christmas cookies and just enjoy being with each other for the rest of the night.

I guess my family only has one crazy tradition, but it is pretty intense. I am now more in the Christmas spirit, or more of the Family spirit. I guess I just like being with my family. Some people look at me weird or think I am strange when I get excited to see them. I think this is sad when people don't enjoy their family. You share so much with them, so much history and stories I just can't see why people could not want to spend time together.

The Roush Family Christmas is slowly dying though. I am the only one of my siblings not married and they all have other Christmas' to attend or are starting to have there own families and want to start their own family Christmas'. While I am happy for them and love all over my brother in laws and sister in laws, it makes me a little sad that our little happy family is starting to grow and grow apart. I just want to be able to see my family at least once a year and maybe Christmas is just too much stress and pressure to see everyone you are required to that we miss out on seeing the people we want to see most. Maybe RFC needs to start happening a different time of the year where we can all be with each other and truly enjoy more time together. To me Christmas is not really about the date, it is more about the people I get to share it with. Who cares if we have a Christmas tree up in July and we are all eating coffee cake and watching Christmas movies, as long as my family is together and we all get to share the Holiday together nothing else matters. At the end of the day being together is the most important thing about this time of year and being thankful for haveing each other to share jokes and stories with. I am more than thankful that I have a loving caring family that keeps increaseing its members and hope that we can keep the RFC traditions alive no matter what day, week or month we celebrate Christmas next year!

Happy Holidays!

Dr Seuss' Words of Wisdom

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss

I need to work on this Dr. Seuss. For the people who know me and know me well they know I am easy to express how I feel and don't hold back. I try not to hurt people, especially ones I love, but I am also a blunt person to say the least and I like to be honest with the people I trust and care about. The people that really matter are there no matter what, while the others fall through the cracks. Sometimes what hurts the most is when I am surprised by people that give up caring about me and fall through the cracks. Sometimes it is temporary and they are mad and fickle, but sometimes it is more real and I feel the loss of someone who I though was worth my love. This hurts more than words can describe. When I love and trust someone I do not expect that to fade, especially so easy as it sometimes does. It makes me question if they truly cared to begin with and that is something I usually repress and try not to think about.

I should not get heart broken over the people who don't matter, because at the end of the day I still have people who have my back and should not be worrying about the people who don't. While it hurts and is sad at the time I need to appreciate what I have. I have one of the best families in the world. While we are not all together that much I know no matter what they have my back. They are always in the back of my mind and always helping me grow up even if only leading by example. Erica and Matt would and do anything in there power to make my life easier and I know I am always welcome in there life. And now they have the most adorable baby how lights up my life every time I see her. 

My friends back home are amazing as you know. They always make me laugh when I need it the most and always there to talk and tell me how much I am screwing up my life. Which I need sometimes... My family is good at that too. I have good friends here as well that are open to listen and play ukulele with me... even though they are way better and I try to hide it when I am not home so they can't practice. I have MPHS marching band which I use to relief my stress my tormenting high school kids and laughing at all of Scott's and my inside jokes. I have my ukulele, which is very comforting to have and I love expressing myself through it and learning fun new songs.

I need to stop dwelling and move forward. I need to stop worrying so much. Life will happen and I can't stop it. Because worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair it does not get you anywhere, but it gives you something to do. Hopefully in the end I will be happy, and if I am not I can always live in my sisters basement or my friends garage. I think I will not need to do this because I am motivated to do something great with my life I just need to figure out what that is and start to do it.

ASLAPR

So my job almost picked up... I have actually been pretty busy these last few days. I was up dating the library information for all the state libraries in Arizona on the ASLAPR website, as well as adding the legislative and congressional districts to each library in the system... Don't be jealous... and ASLAPR is Arizona State Library, Achieves, and Public Records, Just in case you cared. It took me 3 solid days and a lot of trail mix to do, but I have finished. Did you know that we have a ton of libraries in this state and most of them are in the weirdest places... The things I do at work man.

Speaking of work. It is so cold here it is not even funny. Apparently our heater does not work and we are in a very old building so it gets so cold in my office. I am literally wearing gloves as I am typing this to make sure my hands do not fall off.  Maybe I should wear shoes... hahaha yeah right. My flip flops are all weather foot wear.

I am done for now. I want to go home. Just another hr and a half