Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss
I need to work on this Dr. Seuss. For the people who know me and know me well they know I am easy to express how I feel and don't hold back. I try not to hurt people, especially ones I love, but I am also a blunt person to say the least and I like to be honest with the people I trust and care about. The people that really matter are there no matter what, while the others fall through the cracks. Sometimes what hurts the most is when I am surprised by people that give up caring about me and fall through the cracks. Sometimes it is temporary and they are mad and fickle, but sometimes it is more real and I feel the loss of someone who I though was worth my love. This hurts more than words can describe. When I love and trust someone I do not expect that to fade, especially so easy as it sometimes does. It makes me question if they truly cared to begin with and that is something I usually repress and try not to think about.
I should not get heart broken over the people who don't matter, because at the end of the day I still have people who have my back and should not be worrying about the people who don't. While it hurts and is sad at the time I need to appreciate what I have. I have one of the best families in the world. While we are not all together that much I know no matter what they have my back. They are always in the back of my mind and always helping me grow up even if only leading by example. Erica and Matt would and do anything in there power to make my life easier and I know I am always welcome in there life. And now they have the most adorable baby how lights up my life every time I see her.
My friends back home are amazing as you know. They always make me laugh when I need it the most and always there to talk and tell me how much I am screwing up my life. Which I need sometimes... My family is good at that too. I have good friends here as well that are open to listen and play ukulele with me... even though they are way better and I try to hide it when I am not home so they can't practice. I have MPHS marching band which I use to relief my stress my tormenting high school kids and laughing at all of Scott's and my inside jokes. I have my ukulele, which is very comforting to have and I love expressing myself through it and learning fun new songs.
I need to stop dwelling and move forward. I need to stop worrying so much. Life will happen and I can't stop it. Because worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair it does not get you anywhere, but it gives you something to do. Hopefully in the end I will be happy, and if I am not I can always live in my sisters basement or my friends garage. I think I will not need to do this because I am motivated to do something great with my life I just need to figure out what that is and start to do it.
Well it is true that, "Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." You have a good network of family and friends that love you tons. I worry about you *almost* as much as Alaina, and that is a compliment. It is hard to do, but you got to let the rest go. They don't matter.
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