Salty Eyes

Sometimes I feel I don't belong in my own life... I love my friends and family, but I feel they deserve more from me then I can give them sometimes. I am constantly being pulled in 100 different directions that I feel I can not give any one thing my full attention. I wish I could. I wish I could spend as much time and effort on the things I care about and not worry about jobs. my career, or future. That is not reality though. The reality is you have to go to work. You have to move forward in your career. The future is coming everyday. People come and go, and the only thing you can do about it is hope that you made the most of them in your life. It is sad to think that the life that you have now will not always be constant. I like constant things. I hate change and I wish that I could control how my life plays out better. The truth is that none of us have control over where are life is heading and we all need to just go with the flow and enjoy the ride. I feel like music understands me. It drives me and helps me feel emotions I am not ready to divulge to myself. Music and I have a special relationship. Songs and music is my constant in my life. No matter what happens music is always there to comfort me and help me break down my walls and have the emotions flood my world. Songs help you remember people and events in your life that are and were important to you for one reason or another. Helps you look back and reminisce of the time gone by and the current life you have.

Do you belong to a song?
Does it drag you along by the tongue at the top of your lungs?
Are you drunk?
Have you been drinking?
Do you below the overpass go with a fifth in your fist
reminiscing the kiss of a love that just didn't love as much as you did?

Songs and music is what holds me together. They help me breath when my world is crashing down and help me know who I am when I forget. I am strong. Music helps me realize my strength and picks me up when I fall. When I hear a song I am transformed to a place or a person that reminds me of the song I am listening to. Or even an ideal of what my life should be. My emotions are expressed by people who do not even know me or even know that I am listening. This is the great part of music or art as a whole. The artist expresses things that important to them through their work, but the views or listener use there own life and experiences to find themselves in their work. What the artist intends is not always what is felt and I love it. every person that hears a song sees different things and feels different emotions no matter what the artist was originally try to convey. Music is unique to everyone that listens to it. Music is personal and makes deep connections to your life that you did not intend to make. It makes you think that other people understand you and can relate to the experiences you are going through. You belong.

But please don't give up dear walls.
Don't let the ceiling fall.
When you belong to a song, salty eyes.
You belong.

Music itself evicts emotions out of my body. The sheer way the notes are played and well and the tone itself can make me feel happy, sad, or whatever. This is my favorite trick in music. While a song might have a happy beat and melody the lyrics are not so joyful. To me while I love the notes and music behind the lyrics it is the words that really speak to me. Maybe it is the little English major in me, but words hold so many emotions and when they are connected in music they fill rooms with their message. The clever connections of words to mean things that you would not know how to express is why I keep listening to songs and why I keep coming back for more. It is like poetry on steroids. Songs can express more then poetry can at times because artists are able to manipulate the beats and melody to show emphasis on certain words or even say them differently to express how they feel about what they are saying.

Shrill notes begin the grim violin.
Then from the silence, a violence of sirens orchestrate the score.
To which one more corpse is left quiet.
How we become the hollows of drums.
The rest between notes and the hollers that never reach throats.
Friends in quotes, they're not calling.

There is hope. There is a light shinning through that window of my room telling me that everything is going to be alright. No matter how much today sucks. No matter how much I just want to stay in bed. That light will never fade. It slides into me when it knows I need it, without me even asking or looking for it. My I pod knows how I am feeling and shuffles to the right song at the right moment. Now I know that me and my I pod do not really have an intimate connection, but music and I do. It is there when I give up. When I shut out the world and need to be alone with my thoughts. It helps me through things I don't want to face and comforts me when no one else can. Music is what I believe in. It is my constant and will never give up on me.

But please don't give up dear you.
I'll bet the sliver moon's sliding through
When you belong to a song, salty eyes.
You belong.

I am not naive to the fact that music was not created for me or about me. This however does not change how it makes me feel. Music protects me from the world I don't want to live in and them slowly soothes me to acepting the world as it is. The world is not perfect and I am not either, but music helps me understand that this is okay and it should not ruin my day, my life, or my relationships because I belong.

Do please believe however naive.
They may drag you along by the tongue at the top of your lungs.
And belong salty eyes.

When you belong to a song, salty eyes.
You belong.